JA Farms

#Shoftek!

Please read again since contents has changed

I just got your other message.

I’m so sorry. That’s a lot to take in all at once, and there’s no right way to feel about it.
You’re not cold, and you’re not the asshole. You’re a mom who’s spent years protecting those kids from the hurt he caused, and now he’s asking you to open that door at the worst possible time. Being angry about that doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. You can be mad at him and still feel the weight of what’s happening. Both can be true.
And you don’t have to decide anything tonight. Let it sink in first.
When you’re ready, it might help to think about it from the kids’ side: how old they are, what they remember, and whether they’d want the chance to see him or ask him something someday. There are also in-between options. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Maybe a phone call, a letter, or one short visit with you right there. The hospital’s social worker or a counselor who works with kids could help you figure out what’s best for them and how to explain it.
Whatever you decide, you’ll decide it because you love them. That’s what you’ve always done. You have a big heart.
I’m here, whether you want to talk it through or just vent.
He will nap for a bit and wake up at 9:30 to check. This is important.

Please ignore the below, it was written before I got the new message.

I think you are right. He has a closet life. Literally looks at me in an ugly way every time I talk with him. This is your fault. I talked to him only to find information. All of this is your fault. I was so worried when you went to the hospital and I do not know where you are. I have a "gay secret admirer" because of you. I know you love this. One day cowgirl, one day.

Yesterday the WiFi at the middle man was not functioning poorly and that was the reason there was not much updates yesterday.

On next vist, there is a lot of empty seats, come and sit next to me. Mom always buys a lot of food. 😃

From the MM

I hope you’ll forgive an old man for stepping in where I probably don’t belong. I don’t know you the way my son does, and I don’t know everything that happened between you and the children’s father. But I’m 72 years old, and I’ve lived long enough to see a few things, so I felt I had to say something, with respect and with no judgment at all.

Your anger is earned. From what I understand, he left you to raise those children alone and has given you every reason not to trust him. Nobody could blame you for feeling the way you do, and you don’t owe him anything.

But I’d ask you to think about one thing. This isn’t really about him, and it isn’t about you. It’s about Justin and Alyssa. No matter what kind of man he’s been, he is still their father, and one day they’ll be grown and will think back on this time. Death is the one thing in life that can’t be undone. If he passes and they never had a chance to see him or say goodbye, that door is closed forever, and they’ll have to live with it, whatever they decide to feel about him.

I’m not saying you should let him back into your lives or ruin Justin’s birthday. Protect that day and protect those children. That’s your job, and from what I hear, you do it very well. I’m only saying not to shut the door completely. Leave it open just a crack, on your terms and theirs. Justin is 13 now, old enough to have some say in what he wants. A short visit or a phone call might be enough to give them peace later on.

I don’t say this for his sake. I say it for theirs, and for yours, so that years from now there’s nothing left behind to regret.

Whatever you decide, I know it will come from a place of love for your children. And that’s all any parent can do.

Again forgive me for sticking my nose where it does not belong.